How My Shelter Helps Healing
The shelter is a very important part of the healing process. It provides a safe place for women and their children to stay and many types of support to deal with problems in their lives.
Many shelter workers are surprised and discouraged when so many women return from the shelter to their abusive partner. This does not mean that the shelter experience was useless. Research on family violence shows that women who leave their husband permanently have left him well over 30 times in the past.
Each positive shelter experience increases her insight into her situation, her understanding of family violence and her confidence in her own abilities. Through these experiences she learns more about the resources that are available to her and she gains confidence in using them. And, over time she learns that there are trustworthy people who will help her make a permanent change when she is ready.
Shelter workers must never judge their success on the job by the behaviour of residents and children.
The job of a shelter worker is to provide a role model for positive relationships, provide a safe environment, give information, listen, advocate, and assist the women in taking total responsibility for their lives and for their choices. Their job is not to ‘fix’ the woman’s life.
Sample mission statement and objectives of northern shelter…
Sample: Principles of Tukkuvik Shelter
Tukkuvik Shelters exist to provide safety and support to women and their children who are victims of violence and women whom may be experiencing mental health issues.
Tukkivik Shelters supports the following principles:
- each participant’s integrity and dignity must be respected;
- every participant has the right to make informed choices about their life;
- each participant deserves non-judgmental support that promotes the self-confidence and independence of that individual; and
- violence or threatened violence is an unacceptable way of relating to others.
Sample: Objectives of the YWCA Alison McAteer House
- Provide safety, food, shelter and hygiene items to women and their children;
- Provide an environment where women feel supported to make healthy choices, engage in self-exploration, and seek information;
- Provide crisis intervention to residents as well as the community through the crisis line and walk-in appointments;
- Provide both group and individual counselling
- Provide ‘role modeling’ of appropriate parenting routines, life skills (chores), relationships, communication etc.
Shelter workers need to be realistic about the anger, frustration and disappointment they will feel in working with victimized women and children. This is very real. Victimized people usually have a range of dysfunctional behaviours. Working with these people is often hard. A woman’s life won’t magically change by staying in the shelter. She has come to believe that this is the only way life can be… and she has no real idea that she could live differently.
It can help to share the frustrations about working in a shelter. Here are some questions to think about…
- I get really frustrated when…
- The shelter residents make me angry when they…
- I feel really sad about the way residents…
- I can help these women and children best by…
- I need more information about…
- I will know I am doing a good job when…
What Have I Learned?
Today I was surprised to learn that…
I feel better now that I know that…
I would like to know more about…