Good Listening
There are people who are very welcoming. It is easy to listen to them when they speak as well…you think to yourself, ‘They are like me. They have gone through what I have gone through. Jaikku Pitseolak
In every meeting with women in the shelter, you must listen well, and show them that you understand what they are saying….that you have heard their words and their feelings.
There are two ways of showing that you understand and respect what they are saying:
1. In your own words
Summarize in your own words what the woman seems to be saying and feeling.
Example:
A woman who is staying in the shelter says that her husband had promised to get help from elders in the community to learn how to control his violent behaviour. He didn’t seem to be following through on his promised because he is still being violent toward her.
The counsellor can say something like: “So you’re feeling disappointed that he didn’t follow through with his promise.”
2. Sharing your own experience
A way of showing you understand is to share a little bit of your own experience. You don’t have to disclose your private life, but sharing common experiences can help the women you’re counselling to feel comfortable and to tell their story. Always encourage clients to continue their story because this is their time to talk. For example, you might say something like:
“Yes, I’ve felt frustrated when people talk about me and my family too, how did you handle it?”
“I’ve been through something like that. I felt very misunderstood. How did it make you feel?”
Other non-verbal ways to help good listening are:
- to find a quiet place to listen where you won’t be distracted or interrupted;
- to look at the person you are listening to;
- to keep your body posture ‘open’ to listening (for example not crossing you arms in front of you);
- to smile and nod when it is appropriate.