Dealing with Conflict at the Shelter

There is always a rough life sometimes… forget and forgive and talk to whoever hurt you, go to them and forgive them. [source: Suicide prevention, p.14]

Conflict is a normal part of the workplace including shelters. If conflict is dealt with in a positive, productive way it can help people in their work relationships and set a good example for everyone. If conflict is not dealt with it can get in the way of doing good work in the shelter and make people feel bad in their workplace.

There are three basic ways that people deal with conflict:

Avoidance: not dealing with the conflict for as long as possible
Confrontation: verbally attacking the person we agree with
Problem-solving: dealing with conflict in a way that solves the problem for all of those who are involved

An important part of dealing with conflict is active listening. This means:

Listening politely
Asking questions for clarification
Repeating what was said in your own words
Summarizing
Acknowledging the opinions and feelings of each speaker.

In this model for dealing with conflict the two people who are having conflict will need someone to act as a ‘mediator’, someone who can help them deal with their conflict.

Step 1:

Person #1: Tell your side of the story — the facts, describe what happened, not why it happened. Use “I” statements and be respectful.

Person #2: Listen actively — if needed you can ask questions to clarify a point. When the person has finished, repeat what you hear. Do not change or add anything.

Step 2:

Repeat Step 1 with the roles reversed

Step 3:

Mediator clarifies the conflict and checks with person 1 and 2 to make sure she has it right.

Step 4:

Everyone expresses their feelings (take turns)

What did/do you feel?
How would you rather feel?
What are your needs? Hopes?

Step 5:

How can we solve this problem?

Step 6:

Select a win/win solution

Step 7:

Agree on follow-up. What are the consequences and checking back to be sure the solution works.